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Feeling Your Feelings

This article has been sitting in my drafts for months. I have attempted to write about the process of feeling our feelings and yet, I came up short every time. Every moment I tried to put something constructive onto paper, it never read right or made little sense. 

I realised recently, I am only as wise as I am today and often, I’m not that wise.

While I may feel like I know everything at this moment because I have experienced my life subjectively, sometimes I need to be patient and allow new information, new feelings or new experiences to come into my life and to the surface so I can express them in ways that are manageable and concise. 

I needed to really understand what ‘feeling my feelings’ meant, be humble enough to acknowledge that I am not the smartest in the room and also be vulnerable enough to say that sometimes the process hurts and it’s not as simple as attempting to intellectually decipher them. 

So here is the new attempt of the blog, with a little more vulnerability and humility. Hopefully it makes sense and can help.

Feeling Your Feelings, The Mindset Consultancy

For me, acknowledging my feelings sometimes looks like getting clarity on situations. Time and time again I have been triggered by what someone has said because it took me back to a past trauma or painful event. My biggest triggers are: not being understood, not being heard and not being seen. These come in many different forms and when I get triggered, I get defensive and fearful. Sometimes it can feel so chaotic and I feel like the easiest way to live in this world would be to not have any feelings at all. Closing off my emotions sometimes feels like the safest place because then it won’t hurt.

Learning not to shut myself off from the world has taught me 2 things; I can not heal by myself & connection generates growth. Building a wall around my heart just stopped me from experiencing life in the way it is meant to be experienced. 

The fear of the pain –  kept me stuck in the pain (read that again).

I had to practice coming to more manageable ways around my emotions, and by understanding that honouring and acknowledging my feelings can be a healthy practice. That’s not to say this isn’t a messy and vulnerable practice. It’s uncomfortable and sometimes feels very isolating. It sounds counterintuitive to sit in your feelings and feel them in their entirety, but, by learning to stop, sit, feel and repeat, you will move past the things that are holding you back and move into a place of freedom.

Having feelings does not make us weak or different, they make us human and the moment I surrendered to the idea that I am not ‘too emotional’, ‘too intense’, or ‘too much’, I realised I was exactly where I was meant to be. It was a freeing moment to realise I will learn something new by allowing myself to feel deeper. 

Feeling Your Feelings, The Mindset Consultancy

Gaining the courage to speak our truths, especially when our feelings are hurt, is the thing that will set us free. Outbursts of sadness, annoyance and anger are not always socially acceptable. It is a part of our society that we have learned to avoid. When we see someone on their own crying, we tend not to step in and ask if they are okay, because we are unsure of what to do if they say no. But, imagine if we were all accustomed to understanding what our own feelings meant and how they showed up in our lives, we would be able to meet others where they are and lend a helping and compassionate hand. We also gain the practice of having deep, honest and vulnerable conversations, which can remove a lot of misunderstandings too. 

In a previous blog (The Journey Of Healing), I talked about the baseline of emotional health and how sometimes that can be built on abandonment, lack of love, neglect and pain. When this is the baseline, the individual is already right in the middle of survival mode. There was never any room to grieve the lack of compassion, love and peace. And this is why feeling our feelings are so important; so we can give ourselves the much needed space to start that grieving process and walk hand in hand on that journey of healing. We learn to soothe ourselves and then learn to pass the compassion on to others too.

Einstein once said ‘the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result’. We will never start the healing process, if we do not learn to feel our feelings and allow them to be expressed in ways that feel comfortable and easy instead of hectic and hard. By continuing to ignore how we feel, we continue the cycle of feeling stuck, being misunderstood and unable to grow as individuals and as collective. 

We should honor ourselves when we take a moment to choose growth over stagnation. We should lean into the vulnerable, humble and uncomfortable moments. We should try to feel deeply to build connections and we should celebrate the fact that we have indeed chosen peace over pain.

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About the author

Jessica Kelly


Jessica, Founder and CEO of The Mindset Consultancy, boasts a decade of rich experience in IT, Brand Development, and Corporate Wellbeing. Recognising the convergence of these sectors, Jessica leveraged her versatile expertise to establish The Mindset Consultancy (formerly known as Meet Your Mind) in 2019. As a qualified practitioner in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Mindset Coaching, and Corporate Wellness Consultancy, her holistic approach to wellbeing is incorporated seamlessly into her leadership strategies. Jessica also engages audiences as a podcast host, author, and keynote speaker at various events. Jessica’s international living experience across the UK, Australia, and Thailand has honed her unique insight into harmonising professional and personal life. With a steadfast commitment to fostering a wellbeing-centric culture within corporate landscapes, Jessica advocates for both employers and employees, ensuring mental health is prioritised and businesses continue to thrive and grow.

Zoe Grist

With a rich history in the Health and Fitness industry, Zoe excels in her role as a Health Consultant and lead content creator at The Mindset Consultancy. Her extensive educational background, featuring advanced diplomas in Personal Training and Nutrition, coupled with her pursuit of a Bachelor’s degree in Health Science, equips her with a deep understanding of wellness and health optimisation. Initially starting her career in direct health service roles like gym instruction and personal training, Zoe transitioned into the corporate world, gaining experience as an Office Manager, Personal Assistant, and Project Manager. Her personal struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia has not only elevated her resilience but has also deepened her commitment to incorporating mindfulness, meditation, and physical activity into both her life and professional output. Zoe’s unique blend of personal and professional experience makes her a valuable resource at The Mindset Consultancy, where she is dedicated to inspiring positive health changes through her creative and consultative capacities.

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Zoe Grist – Health Consultant

With a rich history in the Health and Fitness industry, Zoe excels in her role as a Health Consultant and lead content creator at The Mindset Consultancy. Her extensive educational background, featuring advanced diplomas in Personal Training and Nutrition, coupled with her pursuit of a Bachelor’s degree in Health Science, equips her with a deep understanding of wellness and health optimisation. Initially starting her career in direct health service roles like gym instruction and personal training, Zoe transitioned into the corporate world, gaining experience as an Office Manager, Personal Assistant, and Project Manager. Her personal struggle with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and Fibromyalgia has not only elevated her resilience but has also deepened her commitment to incorporating mindfulness, meditation, and physical activity into both her life and professional output. Zoe’s unique blend of personal and professional experience makes her a valuable resource at The Mindset Consultancy, where she is dedicated to inspiring positive health changes through her creative and consultative capacities.

Tenzin Josh – BA, BSC, MA, Program Director

Tenzin has spent over 35 years in training, including 15 years as a monk alongside His Holiness the Dalai Lama. He is one of the few westerners fortunate enough to have had this incredible privilege; that of studying the traditional Tibetan language monastic curriculum. Tenzin has a wealth of experience in coaching people to train their minds to live life to the full. He has gained a deep knowledge of mental well-being techniques and meditation through years of dedicated study and practice.

Tenzin acquired a BSc in Psychology & Law, from the UK. A BA and Masters in Eastern Spiritual and Philosophical traditions plus most of a Ph.D. in the same. As such Tenzin is uniquely qualified to utilise the best from both of these traditions to teach you how to bring stability and joy to the mind and thus into your life.

Additionally, Tenzin has led and been involved in 100’s of retreats worldwide in more than 10 countries over the last 35 years bringing long-term transformation to people’s lives.

Jessica Kelly – CEO & Corporate Wellness Consultant

Jessica, Founder and CEO of The Mindset Consultancy, boasts a decade of rich experience in IT, Brand Development, and Corporate Wellbeing. Recognising the convergence of these sectors, Jessica leveraged her versatile expertise to establish The Mindset Consultancy (formerly known as Meet Your Mind) in 2019. As a qualified practitioner in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Mindset Coaching, and Corporate Wellness Consultancy, her holistic approach to wellbeing is incorporated seamlessly into her leadership strategies. Jessica also engages audiences as a podcast host, author, and keynote speaker at various events. Jessica’s international living experience across the UK, Australia, and Thailand has honed her unique insight into harmonising professional and personal life. With a steadfast commitment to fostering a wellbeing-centric culture within corporate landscapes, Jessica advocates for both employers and employees, ensuring mental health is prioritised and businesses continue to thrive and grow.

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